Schwartz’s Deli

No one guessed the meaning of yesterday’s mystery sign. Via Facebook, email and other sources, readers hazarded the following guesses:

• clackers
• “dual hose bibs for firefighters when looking for water in downtown areas…also known as a Siamese connection”
• “a place where you could plug something in to charge it”
• a warning of “low hanging lights”
• a practice area for the gymnastic sport of rings
• and my favourite — it means you “ARE allowed to peep in the door mail slot”

All valiant efforts. All wrong.

This sign indicates a picnic area, or as the kind woman I accosted for an explanation told me, “It’s a place to sit and eat.” Perhaps Montreal picnic tables require such huge feet to balance the enormous sandwiches served by their legendary deli — Schwartz’s.

I went there with friends about 10 years ago, but as a newly reformed vegetarian, didn’t really appreciate the experience. My interest was rekindled when I read about Schwartz’s in David Sax’s award-winning book Save the Deli. His grandfather died  there, “in a blaze of mustard-soaked glory.” So when Andrew and I were in Montreal this summer, we had to visit.

We arrived at 2:30 in the afternoon and true to all the warnings, there was a line up out the door. At 2:30 in the afternoon. On a weekday.

Being a party of only two, we were quickly ushered to the counter. Did we mind? Not at all. Sitting so close to the action, I felt I got the whole Schwartz’s experience.

If you look closely, you’ll see that everyone, EVERYONE is eating a smoked meat sandwich. I’m not sure why they put anything else on the menu. Outside of beverages and a plate of fries, we heard nothing else ordered during our meal.

When you inevitably order the smoked meat, you will have your choice of lean, medium or fat. On rye.

What type of rye? Rye.

Toasted? No.

To be fair, toasting bread would grind Schwartz’s to a halt. If you want choice, options include “with or without mustard”.

Minimal frills is how they crank out the orders. Orders upon orders upon orders. For at least 16 hours a day. Every day.

Large groups enjoyed a family-style approach. Loaves of sliced bread and plates loaded with thick cut smoked meat arrived at the table, allowing diners to create their own sandwich. A wise alternative if, like me, you can’t get your mouth around the pre-assembled version.

Sitting at Schwartz’s, watching the staff, listening to the customers, I felt like I’d walked back in time or onto a movie set. I hope they don’t start toasting their sandwiches or offering multi-grain bread. I hope they don’t add souvlaki or pad thai to the menu. That’s not authentic deli.

This? This is authentic.

But is it good enough to warrant line ups out the door at all hours? Andrew said it was the best smoked meat he’d ever had. And he’s had a lot of smoked meat.

Me? It was delicious — but too much food. We ended up taking three quarters of my sandwich with us for lunch the next day. I rest my case. Schwartz’s is the reason Montreal picnic tables need such big feet.

Anyone been? What did you order and do you agree with Andrew’s verdict? I’d love to hear your comments.