Rants Tag

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Potatoes: This Spud’s for YOU
With dozens of product pitches landing in my inbox daily, it takes a lot for one to stand out. Yesterday, one jumped off the monitor and poked me in the eyeball. Their selling point. "[It] takes just 2 minutes to prepare in the microwave  -- no extra pots or dishes to wash." Oh, they had me at "microwave". But not in the way they intended. What left me rubbing my eyes in disbelief? Their approach. Was it to promote their product? Not so much. The aim of this campaign is: "To create humorous posts about how potatoes are a boring alternative to Fake Food In a Canister." (Note: I have changed the name of the product in question to protect The Shameless.) Too dumb to insult a root vegetable all on your own? Maybe one of these suggestions will get the creative juices flowing:
  • An image and story of talk show host potato that has put its guests to sleep
  • An image and story of a potato totally underdressed in it's (sic) plain old skin for an event
  • Showcase kids talking about how boring potatoes are and how they love Fake Food In a Canister
  • Showcase how potatoes don't cut it - they're so worthless to eat - doorstoppers, brick-fixes (spoof on home entertainment show sponsored by Fake Food in a Canister)
Apparently, it's even funnier if you drag children into it. Nothing like teaching them how to run a smear campaign early. As a proponent of real food -- and a potato lover -- I'm not taking this sitting down.
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Misleading Labeling

If you saw this on the side of a scone mix, how many calories would you think was in a scone? If you're like me you thought, "Hey, 120 calories? That's not bad." If you were buoyed by the reasonable calorie count, how long would it take...

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From the Archives: Carob is for the Dogs

I'm on the road this week and will be dipping into the archives for a few tasty blasts from the past. This posts is one of my more popular rants. Now, let me tell you how I really feel...

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Caramel Clarification

My astute friend Jodi DeLong pays far too much attention to detail. Not only is she an avid gardener, crack photographer and professional writer, she has a memory like a Venus Fly Trap. To my chagrin, Jodi remembers something I posted back in July, 2006. In...

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Telemarketer solution

Most weeknights around the supper hour, the phone rings. On the other end is a telemarketer reading from a script. I know it's a telemarketer because they always say the same thing. They ask to speak to Mr or Mrs Christie. Andrew's a Thomson. I'm...

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Grocery Scare

The horrifying listeria outbreak is all over the news. Since I don't eat or buy cold meats, I didn't think much about it. Until I went grocery shopping today and this was taped to the automatic doors. Makes it hard to ignore. Then I went to...

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Time Bandit

This organization will not tolerate failure! When I brought my new digital timer home, I showed it the remains of its predecessor. Bet that's the last time an LCD device allows the soup to boil dry in this house again. ...

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Carob is for the dogs

I loathe carob with the white hot passion of a thousand blazing suns. Ignore the fact I haven't let carob pass my lips in four decades. My aversion is purely emotional. Maybe carob tastes good. Maybe it doesn't. And I'm not about to find out....

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Breakfast blues

According to the Food Substitution Bible, butterscotch ripple ice cream is not a suitable stand-in for raspberry yogurt. There goes my breakfast plan. An hour after the latte hits my system I'm ready to eat. Plain organic yogurt, some unsweetened berries and a high-fibre, protein-rich cereal...

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Amish Friendship Bread – The Buck Stops Here

Amish Friendship Bread is the sour dough version of a chain letter. In true pacifist style, no one threatens you with bad luck, higher taxes or computer woes should you break the chain. However, by following the directions, you end up two loaves of mediocre...

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