My Birthday Wishes

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02 Jun My Birthday Wishes

It’s my birthday. And since you are all lovely people, I just know you want to get me something. Something nice. Something special. Something I’ve been dying to get for myself but won’t because I’m not a materialistic person.

Because I’m so thoughtful (and already have a TARDIS Cookie Jar) I’ve decided to help you tackle the annual dilemma known as What To Get Charmian For Her Birthday. Here’s my wish list. I’ve kept it short.

You’re welcome.

  • A fridge-freezer scanner. Not your average Kenmore. I want one that, through interior cameras, allows me to see into every nook and cranny, and due to a special hydraulic system, never lets anything fall out and clip me on the noggin or crush my toes. Ever. Don’t worry that it has no ice cube maker or water dispenser. That space has thoughtfully been allotted to its X-ray vision, which means I can, without rearranging a single item, locate the rogue lemon wedged between the barbecue sauce and expired milk. Oh yes, and this beauty automatically scans all food for molecular stability, issuing a warning the second that iffy English cucumber slips silently from dubious to toxic.
  • A Replicator: You know, one of those food generators from Star Trek where no matter what you order, no animal is ever hurt and there are no pesticides or hormones to hurt your DNA. Best of all, everything it creates tastes exactly the way you like yet is nutritionally perfect. So when I dig into a chocolate sundae with whipped cream for breakfast with a double helping of salted caramel sauce, no one needs to steer me toward scrambled tofu eggs topped with soy cheese and hemp flakes “for my own good.” Present me with one of these puppies and I’ll have you to supper. Twice.
  • Ultra-powerful built-in vacuum system: Ever been to a salon where the stylist sweeps all the hair clippings to a vent in the baseboard which sucks it all away? I want one of those — only I don’t want to have to sweep. I just want to flip a switch (or press a button. I’m not fussy) and have all the onion skins, cat hair and stray coffee beans sucked out of my kitchen and jettisoned into orbit where their tiny particles create beautiful sunsets for the world to enjoy. No cleaning of bags, no guilt about landfill. Yes,my wish is environmentally conscious. I’m just that kind of person.

That’s it. Any one of these three things and I’m happy as a clam.

Fight amongst yourselves to be the first to send your present. Or band together. Group gifts are nice, too. I won’t judge you if you economize and split the cost. After all, it’s the thought that counts.


Photo © Temari 09. Published under a Creative Commons License.

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  • Monica Bhide
    Posted at 07:44h, 02 June Reply

    Love you! Happy Birthday!

  • Kathe
    Posted at 07:53h, 02 June Reply

    I have just sent you all three of these brilliant inventions – virtually, due to the possible Canada Post strike.

    Looking forward to seeing you and meeting Andrew when you’re in Montreal next month…

    Cheers and birthday hugs ~

    • Charmian Christie
      Posted at 10:46h, 06 June Reply

      Darn the postal strike!

      Looking forward to seeing you next month. Can’t wait to hit Montreal!

  • Andrea the Kitchen Witch
    Posted at 09:06h, 02 June Reply

    Happy Birthday!! If I can find a food replicator I’ll be sure to buy 2, one for me and one for you :) Enjoy your day!

    • Charmian Christie
      Posted at 10:56h, 06 June Reply

      What a kind offer. We’ll have to compare notes when they arrive.

  • Janet Foster
    Posted at 11:01h, 02 June Reply

    Happy Birthday!!!! I’ll be on the look out for a replicator or a fridge-freezer scanner. I might splurge and get you a sonic screw driver. :)

    • Charmian Christie
      Posted at 11:15h, 06 June Reply

      Oh, the sonic screw driver! Why didn’t I think of that. It fixes everything!

      Thanks for watching out for me.

  • Kathryn
    Posted at 16:33h, 02 June Reply

    Happy Birthday Char!

    I am sorry but the replicators were out of stock. Instead, I send you wishes for a year full of joy & happiness.

    Kathryn

    • Charmian Christie
      Posted at 11:15h, 06 June Reply

      Wishes are always welcomed. Thanks for looking. Maybe the replicators will be available come Christmas?

  • Robin Smart
    Posted at 17:48h, 02 June Reply

    Dear Charmian,
    The closest thing that comes to a replicator on this planet is MOM.
    You had me fooled for a sentence or two. At first I thought you blogging about amazing new technology that actually exists. It isn’t even April 1st.
    I’d like item number three if it can also dispose of stray papers!!
    Love and HBD.
    Robin

    • Charmian Christie
      Posted at 11:17h, 06 June Reply

      Oh, I should have saved this for April 1st. Darn.

      I have a unit that disposes of stray papers. It’s called the recycle bin. Works really well and self-empties once a week — if you take it to the curb.

  • Lana
    Posted at 01:29h, 03 June Reply

    If I ever found one of those fridge scanners, I think I would have to keep it – I am not so nice, I guess:)
    Happy birthday! I hope you get a lot of gifts:)

    • Charmian Christie
      Posted at 11:18h, 06 June Reply

      Lana, I don’t blame you. Should they ever invent the fridge scanners they’ll sell out immediately. And never show up for resale on Craigslist.

      Thanks for the wishes.

  • Mike@The Culinary Lens
    Posted at 07:16h, 04 June Reply

    If you happen to get more than one of any of these items I am not adverse to receiving regifts. Happy birthday. I am enjoying exploring your blog.

    • Charmian Christie
      Posted at 11:19h, 06 June Reply

      If I get duplicates I will keep you in mind for the regifting. Don’t hold your breath, though.

      Glad you’re enjoying the blog! That’s the nicest present you can give.

  • Cheryl Arkison
    Posted at 11:44h, 12 June Reply

    Simple wishes indeed! I notice enjoying beets isn’t on the list?

    Happy Belated Birthday!

    • Charmian Christie
      Posted at 08:27h, 15 June Reply

      No beets, although I am warming up to golden beets. Slowly…

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